The bartender´s working on a late night shift
She´s bonka blonds and Bon aims on a midnight drift
And the dance band´s playing the same old slam

I´m sinking whiskey and you´re sipping fine wine
I don´t know what it is you´re trying to prove
Well it should be you but it´s me who can hardly move
And I´ve got my reputation lying on the line
Come on baby, be a good dog and help the blind
Won´t you carry me home
(Like a truck, pick me up)
You ain´t no lady but you´ve sure got taste in men
That head of yours has got you by time and time again
My arms and legs are aching and my head´s about to blow
And your back´s been breakin´ and I´d hate to spoil the show
But I´ve just spent next weeks wages and I´m right out of coin

But you want more and it´s half past four and they want to close the joint
But we can´t afford a taxi, and it´s too late for the bus
But I´ve been told by friends of mine you´re someone I can trust
Won´t you carry me home
(Don´t let me lie here in all this beer)
You drank all your booze and half of mine
I´m bleary eyed and you´re waiting for the sunshine (to come and kill me)
Just like the man who threw me on the floor
Don´t matter, while I´m down here I might as well try and find the fucking door
Excuse me, have you seen my swizzle stick
And have you got a plastic bag ´cause I´m gonna be sick
I´m dead drunk and heave´n hanging upside down

And you´re getting up and leaving, you think I´m gonna drown
Won´t you carry me home