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Performed by Adam Sandler and Allen

Transcribed by Big Brother.

[Sounds of Basketball being shot around]

Sandler: "Hey man, I´m joining a religious cult."
Allen: "Now, that´s ridiculous."
Sandler: "Well, I´m joining it, so you gotta sign up too."
Allen: "What are you talking about?"
Sandler: "Hey, don´t fuck me on this, man, just sign up."
Allen: "No, I´m not going to join a cult!"
Sandler: "I can´t believe you´re pulling this shit on me after Monday night --"
Allen: "What?
Sandler: "-- I wanted to watch Monday Night Football and you wanted to watch that other show and we watched your show -- I did that for you!"
Allen: "Yeah, well, you kept flippin´ back to the game."
Sandler: "I WANTED TO SEE THE FUCKIN´ SCORE! Whadda you gotta do that´s so fucking importnat you can´t join the religious cult with me?"

Allen: "Well, I was gonna go sunbathing."
Sandler: "Oh, boy, no no, I don´t think you should do that. Because this guy, Russell -- he´s the leader-guy of the cult --"
Allen: "-- yeah --"
Sandler: "-- he was rambling on during one of the speeches about the sun being bad, like the beast can´t come out because the sun´s too bright and the sun hurts his eyes or something -- you show up all sunburned and that guy´s gonna get pissed at you and me!"
Allen: "Well, I´m not in the cult, so I don´t have to worry about pissing the leader guy off!"
Sandler: "Look, I´m -- starting to believe in some of the stuff the cult guy´s been saying -- some of it makes a lot of sense!
Allen: "Well, good, but I don´t want to join the cult. We can still hang out; I just won´t be in it with you."

Sandler: "The point is, I´m not gonna have time to hang out with you because I´m gonna be fuckin´ busy with this fuckin´ cult!"
Allen: "So I´ll visit on weekends -- we´ll work it out."
Sandler: "No, the weekends are like the busiest time -- that´s when we go to flea malls and fuckin´ malls and talk people into joining, man!"
Allen: "Can I join for just a little while? I told my dad I´d go visit him in Florida in three weeks."
Sandler: "Well, just, we´ll ask then, but we gotta join now."
Allen: "What´s the hurry?"
Sandler: "There´s a girl I wanna meet there, what the fuck´s your problem?"
Allen: "Well, I mean I don´t really have to believe in this stuff, do I?"

Sandler: "No, no, just fuckin´ tell everybody you believe in this shit -- when they say the sun sucks, go, "Yeah, fuck the sun, I fuckin´ hate it too, long live the fuckin´ beast."
Allen: "I don´t know, man. This is crazy."
Sandler: "Look, they´re gonna give you clothers, a free haircut, you´re gonna get food --"
Allen: "-- it´s not gonna be one of those weird haircuts, is it?"
Sandler: "It´s gonna be a haircut, all right? You said you need a haircut, they´re gonna fuckin´ cut your hair. You´re going in, saving twelve bucks, just fuckin´ do it!"
Allen: "Do you think the hot girl has a friend for me?"
Sandler: "Yeah, sure, and if she doesn´t, she´ll go out and recruit one for you!"
Allen: "Well, all right. But, hey, if I don´t like it, I´m going to escape, man."

Sandler: "OK, that´s up to you."

"Three weeks later!"

[Chanting repeatedly] "The night time is the right time! The night time is the right time!"
Sandler: "Hey buddy, are you glad you did this?"
Allen: "Oh, this is the best thing I ever did. Thank you."
Sandler: "You´re not mad at them making you, uh, kill your father, are you?"
Allen: "You know, it´s like they said. It was the only way to save him."
Sandler: "You´re a good guy."
Allen: "You´re a better one."
[Chanting resumes]