I saw it advertised one day,
Bear Mountain picnic was comin´ my way.
"Come along ´n´ take a trip,
We´ll bring you up there on a ship.
Bring the wife and kids

Bring the whole family."
Yippee!

Well, I run right down ´n´ bought a ticket
To this Bear Mountain Picnic.
But little did I realize
I was in for a picnic surprise.
Had nothin´ to do with mountains.
I didn´t even come close to a bear.

Took the wife ´n´ kids down to the pier,
Six thousand people there,
Everybody had ticket for the trip.
"Oh well." I said, "it´s a pretty big ship.
Besides, anyway, the more the merrier."

Well, we all got on ´n´ what d´ya think,
That big old boat started t´ sink

More people kept a-pilin´ on,
That old ship was a-slowly goin´ down.
Funny way t´ start a picnic.

Well, I soon lost track of m´ kids ´n´ wife,
So many people there I never saw in m´ life
That old ship sinkin´ down in the water,
Six thousand people tryin´ t´ kill each other,
Dogs a-barkin´, cats a-meowin´,
Women screamin´, fists a-flyin´, babies cryin´,
Cops a-comin´, me a-runnin´.
Maybe we just better call off the picnic.

I got shoved down ´n´ pushed around,
All I could hear there was a screamin´ sound,
Don´t remember one thing more,
Just remember walkin´ up on a little shore,
Head busted, stomach cracked,

Feet splintered, I was bald, naked. . .
Quite lucky to be alive though.

Feelin´ like I climbed outa m´ casket,
I grabbed back hold of m´ picnic basket.
Took the wife ´n´ kids ´n´ started home,
Wishin´ I´d never got up that morn.

Now, I don´t care just what you do,
If you wanta have a picnic, that´s up t´ you.
But don´t tell me about it, I don´t wanta hear it,
´Cause, see, I just lost all m´ picnic spirit.
Stay in m´ kitchen, have m´ own picnic. . .
In the bathroom.

Now, it don´t seem to me quite so funny
What some people are gonna do f´r money.

There´s a bran´ new gimmick every day
Just t´ take somebody´s money away.
I think we oughta take some o´ these people
And put ´em on a boat, send ´em up to Bear Mountain . . .
For a picnic.