I work down at The Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I´m five foot three and overweight
I´m a sci-fi fanatic mild asthmatic

Never been to second base
But there´s a whole `nother me
That you need to see
Go check out MySpace

`Cause online I´m out in Hollywood
I´m six foot five and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I´m a black belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I´m mysterious
I tell `em I don´t want nothing serious
`Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time
I´m so much cooler online
I´m so much cooler online

I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time
I´ve ever even been to L.A.
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade
But online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein I´ve been in GQ
I´m single and I´m rich
And I got a set of six-pack abs that would blow your mind

It turns girls on that I´m mysterious
I tell `em I don´t want nothing serious
`Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat

With two women at one time
I´m so much cooler online
Yeah, I´m cooler online

When you´ve got my kind of stats
It´s hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot
And lose a bunch of weight
Every time I log in

Online I´m out in Hollywood
I´m six foot five and I look damn good
Even on a slow day I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time
I´m so much cooler online
Yeah, I´m cooler online
I´m so much cooler online

Yeah, I´m cooler online