Music by Elton John and Davey Johnstone
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin

Yell help, too many cooks and a bird in the bush, yell help

Yell help, if your mirror busts and your cat gets cussed, yell help
`Cause down the road you find someone else who´s looking
Down the road you find another sweet lady cooking
So I gotta yell help

Yell help, some shelter from the storm like the travel agent warned
Yell help, if you can help your superstitions they gonna keep you warm
`Cause down the road you find someone else who´s looking
Down the road you seen another sweet lady cooking
So I gotta yell help

I wish tonight wasn´t Wednesday night
I wish it wasn´t the thirteenth of July, yell help

And you´re looking at the guy whose eyes can´t deny
That he wishes he were somewhere else tonight

Well I met this woman down in New Orleans
Lord she built just like a dream
Even wore stockings that had seams
And she was ugly

Now hell I don´t mind women of her kind
I´ll even pay sometimes for a woman that´s ugly

She built like a steamroller
Just the kind to mow you over anytime
Hey the moment might arrive

On Bourbon Street
Well the ugliest woman you´ll ever meet

But she´s mine all mine and she´s ugly
So I better yell help