A lot of people ask me stupid fuckin´ questions A lot of people think that what I say on a record Or what I talk about on a record That I actually do in real life or that I believe in it
Or if I say that I wanna kill somebody That I´m actually gonna do it or that I believe in it Well, shit, if you believe that, then I´ll kill you You know why? ´Cause I´m a criminal! Criminal! You´re goddamn right I´m a criminal! Yeah, I´m a criminal!
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge That´ll stab you in the head, whether you´re a fag or lez Or a homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest Pants or dress, hate fags? The answer´s yes Homophobic? Nah, you´re just heterophobic Starin´ at my jeans, watchin´ my genitals bulgin´ (Ooh!) That´s my motherfuckin´ balls, you´d better let go of ´em
They belong in my scrotum, you´ll never get hold of ´em! "Hey, it´s me, Versace! Whoops, somebody shot me! And I was just checkin´ the mail, get it? Checkin´ the male?" How many records you expectin´ to sell After your second LP sends you directly to jail? Come on, relax, guy! I like gay men Right, Ken? Give me an amen! (A-men!) "Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus Heal this child, help us destroy these demons Oh, and please send me a brand new car And a prostitute while my wife´s sick in the hospital" Preacher, preacher! Fifth grade teacher! You can´t reach me, my mom can´t neither You can´t teach me a goddamn thing ´cause I watch TV and Comcast cable
And you ain´t able to stop these thoughts You can´t stop me from toppin´ these charts And you can´t stop me from droppin´ each March With a brand new CD for these fuckin´ retards (Duh) And to think, it´s just little ol´ me Mr. Don´t-Give-a-Fuck still won´t leave
I´m a criminal! ´Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it´s a crime To tell ´em what´s on my mind, I guess I´m a criminal! I don´t gotta say a word, I just flip ´em the bird And keep goin´, I don´t take shit from no one I´m a criminal! ´Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it´s a crime
To tell ´em what´s on my mind, I guess I´m a criminal! I don´t gotta say a word, I just flip ´em the bird And keep goin´, I don´t take shit from no one
The mother did drugs, hard liquor, cigarettes and speed The baby came out, disfigured ligaments, indeed It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she Don´t dare make fun of that baby, ´cause that baby was me I´m a criminal, an animal caged who turned crazed But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren´t raised? So as I got older and I got a lot taller My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drank more liquor to fuck you up quicker Than you´d wanna fuck me up for sayin´ the word My morals went *thhbbpp* when the president got oral Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk off of his own employee Now, don´t ignore me, you won´t avoid me You can´t miss me: I´m white, blonde-haired, and my nose is pointy I´m the bad guy who makes fun of people that die In plane crashes and laughs as long as it ain´t happenin´ to him Slim Shady, I´m as crazy as Em- -inem and Kim combined (The maniac´s in) In place of the Doctor ´cause Dre couldn´t make it today He´s a little under the weather, so I´m takin´ his place (Mm-mm-mmm!)
Oh, that´s Dre with an AK to his face Don´t make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place I told you, Dre, you should´ve kept that thang put away I guess that´ll teach you not to let me play with it, eh? I´m a criminal!
[Skit] DRIVER: Aight look EMINEM: Uh-huh DRIVER: Just go up in that motherfucker, get the motherfuckin´ money and get the fuck up outta there EMINEM: Aight DRIVER: I´ll be right here waitin´ on you EMINEM: Aight
DRIVER: Yo, Em EMINEM: What?! DRIVER: Don´t kill nobody this time EMINEM: Awwright… goddamn, this motherfucker gets on my fuckin´ nerves! {*Whistling*} How you doin´? TELLER: Hi, how can I help you? EMINEM: Yeah, I need to make a withdrawal TELLER: Okay EMINEM: Put the fuckin´ money in the bag, bitch, and I won´t kill you! TELLER: What? Oh my God, don´t kill me! EMINEM: I´m not gonna kill you, bitch, quit lookin´ around TELLER: Don´t kill me, I´ve got two kids at home don´t kill me! EMINEM: I said I´m not gonna fuckin´ kill you TELLER: Don´t kill me!
EMINEM: Hurry the fuck up! {*Gunshot*} Thank you!
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it (Go, go, go!) So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it So I´ll be disguised in it and if anybody identifies The guy in it, I hide for five minutes Come back, shoot the eyewitness Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business Die bitches, bastards, brats, pets This puppy´s lucky I didn´t blast his ass yet If I ever gave a fuck, I´d shave my nuts Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck You motherfuckin´ chickens ain´t brave enough To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad, so kiss my white naked ass And if it´s not a rapper that I make it as I´ma be a fuckin´ rapist in a Jason mask
I´m a criminal! ´Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it´s a crime To tell ´em what´s on my mind, I guess I´m a criminal! I don´t gotta say a word, I just flip ´em the bird And keep goin´, I don´t take shit from no one I´m a criminal! ´Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it´s a crime To tell ´em what´s on my mind, I guess I´m a criminal! I don´t gotta say a word, I just flip ´em the bird And keep goin´, I don´t take shit from no one
I´m a criminal! ´Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it´s a crime To tell ´em what´s on my mind, I guess I´m a criminal! I don´t gotta say a word, I just flip ´em the bird And keep goin´, I don´t take shit from no one I´m a criminal! ´Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it´s a crime To tell ´em what´s on my mind, I guess I´m a criminal! I don´t gotta say a word, I just flip ´em the bird And keep goin´, I don´t take shit from no one