Yo.. yo! (* Eminem hachs up spit *) Mic check.. (My dick!) Testing.. one, two (* Eminem hach-spits on mic *) Ffff-fuck.. (My dick!) My nuts..
My attitude is worse than NWA´s was I´ll battle you over stupid shit and diss people who ain´t have shit to do with it, like Cool J does (My tattoo!) You see me standin outside of your buildin; screamin, "Puffy is good, (HEY!) but Slim Shady is for the children!" (WAIT!) I look at my life in a new light -- fuck it Give me two mics; I write songs for me -- fuck what you like You´re probably hear me rap half-hearted; cause I don´t like rap anyway
I´m just tryin to get my porno career started Every place and event.. +Been There, Done That+ Shit, Dre stuck me in a suitcase when he went (* zipper sound *) "Come on, let´s go!" Want a deal? Study these 5 chapters Lesson One: Throw demos as hard as you can at signed rappers Lesson Two: Face em and diss em (whattup dog?) Don´t give em a demo; kidnap em (I want you to come with me) and make em come to your basement and listen (you´re gonna fuckin check this out) Lesson Three: Get a job at a label; switch demos with Canibus and put yours on the owner´s table (here listen!) Lesson Four: ´Know you heard this before´ "Hey let me get your number; I´ll call you tomorrow, for sure!"
Don´t act like a fan -- you wanna get signed? Get the whitest A&R you can find Pull him aside and rap as wack as you can Lesson Five: Get a hook-up at Jive Dress up like I.C.P. and have them come see you perform live And that´s the key, but when you see me on the street; I ain´t givin you shit bitch - don´t even bother askin me (get away from me) Toilet water splashes me right in the ass when I´m spittin cause I´m always shittin when I´m rappin like Master P (UNNNGGGGH!) Got a blowjob from Paula Jones, and stuffed it so far in her mouth my balls broke both of her collarbones (OWW!) Told Mya this shit was all about me-ah ("It´s all about me..")
Gave Alyssa Milano syphillis, mono and gonorrhea ("You´re a dick!") And all three of my main girls said SEE-YA Cause Brandy and Monica walked in and caught me fuckin Aaliyah (What? Oh my God!) I splish splash while I´m takin a bath Grab a handful of pills, break em in half, take em and laugh White trash -- fuckin your wife in the ass ("Oh! Ooh Shady! Oooh!") While you´re out siphoning gas for your lawnmower to cut the grass
So if I hurt your self-esteem and you get dissed too bad [Yo why you diss me?] You know I just be sayin that to get you mad And when I rap about a buncha shit you wished you had [A big dick!]
You know I just be sayin that to get you mad "I can´t listen to that song, that shit´s too sad!" You know I just be sayin that to get you mad "He´ll never make it, his wrist is slit too bad!" [Nurse! Nurse!] You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
What a wonderful day; I should go outside and play Ain´t no need to sit inside the house and hibernate Hi Renee! (Oh hi!) I was just about to toss a live grenade in your driveway (WHAT?) and drive away (* car peels out *) Are you afraid of a blade made of a razor with AIDS
Blood drippin from it, rippin your stomach like a paper mache You talk a lotta shit, but you was never ill though I´m sick enough to beat you to death with a feather pillow Tipped over some cows, just for a joke and a laugh (MOOOOO!) Jumped up, choked a giraffe, snapped his neck and broke it in half Wagin wars, went on stage and sprayed Cage with +Agent Orange+ And wiped my ass with his page in Source (Here!) The demon is here, steamin this year I rip [*Mystikal´s*] voicebox out, scream in his ear (AHHHHHH!) It´s not a gimmick bitch, it´s an image I live it Give a fuck? I don´t know what a fuck is to give it
"Yeah I don´t think this guy is well.." I´m high as hell I´ll beat you with a live cat when I´m swinging him by his tail
[* impersonating Method Man *] I´ll fuckin, I´ll fuckin Lay your nuts on the dresser Just your nutsack by itself And bang them shits with a spiked bat Cut your neck off and sew your head right back And leave you like that
You just triggered the prick who just mixed liquor Who´s itchin to leave you disfigured and stiffer than Chris-topher Reeves, I was teething with strep throat
while your mother was breastfeeding And gave her the flesh-eating disease I´m iller than takin a hammer and beatin your knees and walkin through South Central L.A., bleedin in jeans (Am I a Blood or a Crip?) Wakin up the next day in breathin machines Flashin back to being shot and repeatin the scenes on how you just got smoked, and if you do live You´ll be too scared to tell it, like a Biggie and ´Pac joke
So if I hurt your self-esteem and you get dissed too bad You know I just be sayin that to get you mad And when I rap about a fat bitch that you wished you had
You know I just be sayin that to get you mad "I can´t listen to that song, that shit´s too sad" You know I just be sayin that to get you mad "He´ll never make it, his wrist is slit too bad" You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
I know that makes you real mad, don´t it? (uh-huh) That´s right, Slim Shady (yup) Sway & Tech Sprayin wreck (bitch) And we don´t give a heck (uh-uh) or a damn.. or a fuck.. or a shit So suck my motherfuckin dick