I am an actual train, believe it or not, believe it or not I carry you backwards and forth, south and north
On down the line and up Before they shunt me into the final siding, I wish to make a few points Whenever I have a breakdown, all my passengers start talking to each other I can sit, walk, sleep, or have a tidy as I hurtle along Sometimes the track is lined with decapitated schoolboys´ heads, still wearing their caps Upon me, at any given moment, ten or twelve people might be taking craps Over the points I´ve transported enormous frivolity and fearful violence in my carriages I´ve got compartments for sex, birth, death, and occasional train spotters´ marriages Believe you me, there are some right eccentrics walking up and down my corridors
Picture the consternation in my bogies when my driver´s had a drink All over the shop hundreds of people invariably may all write our numbers down We, as trains, are agreed that this is because we are extremely phallic Nobody seems frightened on board us because we hardly ever crash We´ve been squashing pennies for well over a century People love it when we´re robbed and they wave at us and are happy watching us going past Can you imagine how pleasant it is in general being an iron horse? I´m quite chuffed
Last train to Wanking Panda Last train to Wanking Panda
If you miss this one you´ll never get another one Iddybiddy arseholes to Wanking Panda