Indoor fireworks amuse your kitchen staff
Dusting plastic garlic plants
They snigger in the draught
When you ride through the parlour
Wearing nothing but your armour-

Playing Indoor Games.

One string puppet shows amuse
Your sycophantic friends
Who cheer your rancid recipes
In fear they might offend,
Whilst you loaf on your sofa
Sporting falsies and a toga-
Playing Indoor Games, Indoor Games.

Your mean teetotum spins arouse your seventh wife
Who pats her sixty little skins
And reinsures your life,
Whilst you sulk in your sauna
´Cos you lost your jigsaw corner-
Playing Indoor Games, Indoor Games.

Each afternoon you train baboons to sing

Or swim in purple perspex water wings.
Come Saturday jump hopper, chelsea brigade,
High bender-trender it´s all Indoor Games.

No ball bagatelle incites
Your children to conspire,
They slide across your frying pan
And fertilize your fire;
Still you and Jones go madder
Broken bones-broken ladder-
Hey Ho . . .