I don´t reach into the past very much For these shards of shattered glass and harsh paper cuts Leave me stuck when I reach in memories are seeped in hydrochloric acid I go to war and get passive and freeze up But music helped the ice to thaw Put a chisel in the middle swing the hammer of Thor Pull it out of the impossible, Excalibur sword Etching note pads full of reasons why my feelings are sore The first day that I got sick ejected from cockpit of living
Nineteen, young teen, waking up bitten Posters up, manhunt, Ren went missing Hard to have faith when the gods don´t listen The first year maybe was the hardest Waking in a body that was buried like a carcass Brain in the lion´s den, body in a shark pit Waking up in pain again, aching, broken-hearted
Persistent little bugger I was bouncing from a doctor To a doctor to a doctor like a table tennis game that has no end So be the fate of Ren Every single question answered with a question on the end The second year I came to terms with giving up my dreams
Mind was severed from the means that helped me write these rhyme schemes Brain was inflamed, the fatigue was crushing Hard to remain sane with your brain combusting And the third year was murder, living in a purga Tory full of worry, wouldn´t live to be thirty Lifestyle hurt me, always in my bed tomb Re-arrange the alphabet and all the letters spell "doom" Light hurt my eyes, popping pills to survive When you´re twenty-three and mentally you steadily decline Twenty-four I was poor, disability benefits What´s the benefit of disability? It´s irrelevant
Twenty-five and the scars that were etched, they cracked
Elastic bands only stretch so far and then snap Deep in psychosis, hallucinations, troubled vision Visits from the underworld were conjuring my superstition Twenty-five, living back at home with my mum But not because I´m a bum, alone and physically done So thin, so frail, so weak I´d become And my skin so pale, never kissed by the Sun One time I carved a hole in my chest, just to feel I wish that was a metaphor, the struggle was real When you´re living in a holocaust you buckle and kneel There´s relief in the teeth of the kiss of cold steel Facts, twenty-six I´m highly medicated and the pain sophisticated
While I´m laying broken, naked on my back I brought my microphone into my coffin, started droppin´ Raw thoughts with the grim reaper knocking on the track
Then man, lo and behold I heard an angel beckon on this treacherous road Was a stem cell doctor with a generous glow And a cell transplant brought me out of the cold And my skin got younger and my body got stronger And my stomach felt hunger for a door that was closed And my soul heard music for the first time Beauty was a word I´d use for this gift of gold Oh Lord, I forgive You, Lord, I forgive You Lord, I forgive You, make me whole
This music I give You, pain that I live through Everything I´ve been through is Yours to hold
Oh Lordy, my (Troubles), troubles so hard Oh Lord, my (Troubles), troubles so hard Don´t nobody know my troubles but God Don´t nobody know my troubles but God
Troubles so hard, troubles so hard Troubles so hard, troubles (So hard) I gave up the struggle, and I gave up this trouble And I gave up the struggle, and I gave up this trouble And I gave up the struggle, and I gave up this trouble
And I gave up this, gave up this, gave up this, oh